Women are incredible. We are strong, resilient, considerate, loving, and usually the glue of our families who hold everything together. Women posses so many positive qualities and are a huge part of today’s workforce, however, we continue to be paid less than a man for the same work and are often passed over for promotions. Why is this happening??

Well, as amazing as women are, we also inherently possess traits that make us bad at one of the key components of success in the workplace: negotiating. Women as a whole HATE negotiating and, therefore, don’t do it often enough. Coming into my current position, I was able to secure a much better salary than I was originally offered as well as securing the shift I wanted even though it was not available at the time I was hired. Don’t get me wrong, I HATE CONFRONTATION and that is essentially what negotiating is: professional confrontation. It takes practice, preparation and a touch of a “fake it ‘til you make it” attitude, but it absolutely can be done.

Let’s first break down why we suck at advocating for what we deserve:

-Women want to be accommodating and not “stir the pot” or create issues in the workplace.

-Women are natural caretakers and are more apt to give of themselves without compensation.

-Negotiating is NOT a normal skill set taught to most females growing up.

-Women take rejection more personally than men so the fear of rejection dictates if we ever even ask for anything more. This fear automatically makes asking for a raise, different hours, different projects, etc. WAY bigger of a deal than it actually is.

-We as women can undermine our worth because we are often self-depreciating as a defense mechanism. This mantra of self-doubt that we subconsciously repeat to ourselves day in and day out manifests itself into an actual inability to see how worthy and valuable we are and make us feel like we don’t deserve more than we already have.

-Women often feel guilty asking for “more”. Women fear being seen as greedy, selfish, or egotistical and feel that asking for a promotion, raise, etc. make us look that way to others.

-Women are often much more emotional than men and being put into a high stress situation like a negotiation, especially with a man, can bring out those emotions. Some women avoid this situation entirely so we don’t risk getting emotional and being seen in a negative light by coworkers or our boss.

So let’s do this…

Before the Negotiation:

Know what you want SPECIFICALLY and what you want the end result of the conversation to ultimately be. Raise your expectations and reach for more than you think you’ll get!

Know the value/worth that you bring to the table:
– Personality traits that make you great at your job:
– Specialty certifications you’ve completed
– Awards or previous recognition you’ve earned
– Continuing education you’ve pursued
– Experience: both time and quality
– Extra work done recognizing both your time and energy (committees, projects, orienting new hires, etc.)

Value = Leverage!

Know what more you have to offer in your future with that company:
– Speak of your willingness to obtain more education or certifications
– Speak of the time you plan to invest

Do research to be able to cite comparisons in the same profession. Do your homework here! (Check out the Department of Labor statistics page and know your facts.)
– Comparable income
– Comparable responsibilities
– Growth Rate of current position

Information = Power!

Overall: Try to keep the focus on all the ways that you can help your company and all the value you personally bring to the table. Figure out a way to balance giving your time away for free with being seen as a valued and contributing member of your team. For example: if you work for a hospital as a nurse, you are often expected to train others and/or join a committee. This is all well and good but realize that these “extras” are technically above the duties your actual job description mandates.

On the other hand, participating in optional responsibilities does add to your overall value as an employee. HOWEVER…make sure you are being adequately compensated for these efforts!! They should not be expected to be given away for free. At my current position, I am compensated my normal hourly rate when I attend committee meetings and related training. When I am precepting someone, my current hospital also compensates that effort by offering bonuses in three increments after the preceptee has been working 3 months, 6 months and then 1 year on their own in the department.

During the Negotiation:

Stay calm

Stay focused

Listen closely to what the person you are talking to is saying. PAUSE and collect your thoughts prior to speaking. This will help you not word vomit out something you don’t actually mean or want.

Do as little speaking as possible! Make your case and then LISTEN. People often talk their way right out of getting whatever they are asking for in the first place. Do way less talking than listening.

Resist the urge to immediately agree. It will be uncomfortable at times and you’ll just want it to be over but DO NOT BE COMPLIANT FOR THE SAKE OF BEING COMPLIANT. If you need extra time to consider their offer, ask for it!

Be specific in your requests. If you are seeking out a raise, have an exact number in mind. If you are seeking different responsibilities, projects, hours, etc., be detailed in what you want. Again, AIM HIGH.

Be prepared to meet in the middle. Don’t fold because you don’t 100% get your way. Know ahead of time exactly where you are willing to bend and where you want to stand firm. Be prepared to be told no and have counter arguments or counter offers.

Don’t take anything personally. These interactions are all business so keep that mind set. Your request for well-deserved raises, promotions, etc. in the workplace are not offensive or hurting anyone’s feelings. Resist the urge to people please!

Remember you have more than your direct income to barter with, especially when coming into a new job. Sometimes, managements’ hands are tied and they truly cannot pay you what you are requesting. Use things like benefits, vacation time, your schedule, your hours, opportunities for overtime, tuition reimbursement, additional school funding, certification funding, holiday schedules, etc. to get the most out of the time and energy you will be putting into this job.

After the Negotiation:

If anything is offered to you, GET IT IN WRITING! There is nothing stopping your employer from reneging any offers after the fact. This is especially important if you are trading something or are promised something down the line.

For example, one of my coworkers had a conversation with our management about cutting back her hours because she is in school again. They refused to do this and instead promised her that she could switch from night shift to a day shift position in the very near future. Fast forward 4 months and they still have not let her come off of night shift. She never got any of this in writing it; it was all in face to face conversations, therefore, she didn’t have as powerful of an argument to bring back to management or to go over their heads to higher-ups about. She finally got herself transferred out of the ED instead which was a big loss for our department as a whole.

If you don’t feel like you are being valued or your employer will not budge to give you what you are asking for within reason, DON’T BE AFRAID TO LEAVE. Other opportunities exist, especially if you are in the healthcare field as I am! That being said, have a plan prior to leaving; don’t ever do it in the heat of the moment.

Keep yourself in good standing when you exit and you will build your credentials and negotiating power for a future job. The fact that I can honestly tell an employer or perspective employer that I have standing offers for immediate full time positions at TWO level one trauma centers and ONE critical access hospital at this exact moment gives me power to say “I have other offers and don’t need this position, but I think it would be a great fit for me and here’s what I can offer you if you make it worth my time, energy and commitment.” This is HUGE.

Successful negotiating <3