“You were built for the audacity of the dreams in your heart!”

YOU GUYS…last week I had the most incredible, life-changing, powerful experience of my adult life. After working two 12-hour night shifts in a row, I hopped in my car and drove myself to Portland on no sleep. Alaska Air got me through a whole lot of turbulence and safely on to Dallas where I attended RISExDallas hosted by none other than the ethereal Rachel Hollis.

To say this woman is a force is putting it mildly. The way she is able to command the attention of a room and speak with so much passion is simply amazing. I don’t even care that some people call her following a cult; whatever it is, I have drank the Kool-aid and I am so here for it!! The conference was further elevated by the inspiring and like-minded speakers who provided us with tools, lessons and motivation to make the most of this one life we are given. Here are some of the most impactful lessons/tools I learned!

Day 1- OWN YOUR PAST

Lesson 1:

“IF YOU DON’T TRANSFORM YOUR PAIN, YOU WILL TRANSMIT YOUR PAIN“

We started the day acknowledging our fears by listing out 3 insecurities that we have faced in pursuit of our goals by filling in the blank: I am not _______ enough.

My list looked like this:
I am not educated/smart enough.
I am not skinny/pretty enough.
I am not lovable enough.

I chose to dive deeper into my feelings of not being lovable enough and explore in my heart why this may be. I found that due to previous failed relationships and being in several long-term relationships that didn’t lead to marriage (something I very much want in my life), I feel that I am not worthy of this type of commitment or that something is wrong with me because I am still unmarried.

Rachel then pointed out the fact that many women self-sabotage because they are afraid of what lies on the other side of accomplishing their goals/dreams. This resonated with me as well; I have always been told by important women in my life to “never get married” and most first marriage in my extended family have ended in divorce. This also produces a huge fear of marriage and an aversion to it in some ways which may have led me to date men who I wouldn’t end up at that stage of a relationship with. It was definitely an opportunity for some internal speculation…

So how do I get past these negative thoughts when they pop into my head? Simple. DMX it!

STOP – DROP – SHUT IT DOWN, OPEN UP SHOP

Rachel literally had us sing this song to interrupt the negative/destructive thought process and re route our brain to think something else. It’s silly but I have legitimately done this several times since attending RISE and, hand to God, it works. Also, that’s just how rough riders roll.

After reflecting on past experiences that prove our insecurity to be completely untrue (proof like: my friends love me enough to want me to be active in their children’s lives, my family loves me unconditionally, great love is worth waiting for, the men who I thought I wanted those futures with were not right for me, etc.), you come up with your self-assurance statement. Mine is: “I am deserving of a love so great it will move mountains”.

Replace the negative, self-destructive talk with your self-assurance statement every single time it intrudes your thoughts until one day you realize you’ve got nothing but self-love swimming around in your head.

Lesson 2:

STAND UP FOR YOUR SISTERS

This was probably the most intense, powerful part of the entire weekend and had an entire auditorium of 7500 women in tears. We were each provided a checklist with a list of potential past traumas on it and asked to check off each box that we had personally experienced. This list included statements like:

I have abused alcohol.
I have been physically abused.
I have abused prescription pills.
I have misused food to cope emotionally.
I have been verbally abused.
I have been raped.
I hate the way I look.
I have been sexually assaulted.
I have been cheated on.
I have lost a child.
I have lost a parent.
I have experienced anxiety.
I have felt depressed.
I have considered suicide.
I feel alone in my experiences of past trauma.
I am ashamed of the things that have happened to me.

There were more but you get the idea; these were intense topics. Rachel said, “Some of you may not feel comfortable standing up for yourself. But will you stand up for her?” We then folded up our lists and passed them around the room (a room of 7,500 women, ya’ll!!) until we had no idea whose list we held or where our list went. We were now holding another woman’s story complete with the worst situations and traumas of her life; all the hurt and pain that resides in her heart.

Slowly Rachel read through the list and one-by-one we stood up for each box checked on the list we held in support of the unknown woman in belonged to. The number of women who stood for up indicating their list included rape or suicidal ideation was heart breaking. As expected, almost every woman stood at the end showing that we all felt alone in our traumas and experienced some shame as a result of them. The evidence was right there in front of us though: none of us were alone. Not one item on the list resulted in only one woman standing up. (CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE ENTIRE EXPERIENCE)

We need to support and stand up for our sisters because we have all been through so much more than anyone else knows.

Lesson 3:

JEN HATMAKER

Next up was author Jen Hatmaker and my main take-away from her talk had to do with time management and the permission we should all grant ourselves to say no. She spoke to the idea of only spending our time, energy and money on things that set our soul on fire and to pass on things we truly do not want to do.  Conserving ourselves in this manner isn’t selfish, it’s self-preservation.

What we often fail to realize is (while we’re trying to make everyone else happy) is that every moment you spend doing something you don’t want to be doing, is one minute that is directly taken away from spending time with your family, bettering yourself or chasing your goals. Her advice?

“If it isn’t a hell yes, it’s a hell no!”

TRENT SHELTON

Trent Shelton was an INCREDIBLE speaker and talked at length about failure and how to face setbacks in your goals or in life in general. After being let go by the NFL, he was forced to face the fact that his identity as a football player was over and he had to start from scratch. Some of his big items were:

“Your choices will become your child’s consequences.”

“Application creates transformation.”

The WHY is so much more important than the HOW when it comes to chasing your goals. As long as you remember your why, you will always be able to get yourself back up and try again after failure.

“Change takes place outside your comfort zone.”

Referring to social media:
“Stop living your life for other people. Stop trying to LOOK successful and just focus on BEING successful.”

Lesson 4:

3 Ways to Build Emotional Resilience:

1. Know whatever you are going through is making you stronger.

2. Keep moving forward; it WILL get better.

3. You really have no other option but to get over it. It’s okay to make big decisions and officially burn the bridge. You may not know where you’re going, but you know what you’re leaving behind.

“Your perception can be your prison or your power.”

“The foundation for STRENGTH is STRUGGLE.”

Fear is simply creating a “known” result from something you haven’t experienced yet. You don’t really know what is going to happen until you just go for it.

“Believe in yourself. Don’t let others place their impossibilities on you.” AKA just because someone else doesn’t think it’s possible doesn’t make it true.

Lesson 5:

How to turn your pain into power:

1. Acknowledge it. You can’t fix what you’re not willing to face.

2. Own it! Figure out how you can learn from it.

3. Share it. Others need your story, the WHOLE story, imperfections and all.

“Haters are just confused supporters.”

“Sometimes you have to make decisions that hurt your heart but heal your soul.”

“If you don’t deal with your stuff, your stuff will deal with you.”

Lesson 6:

Four things to Quit

1. Quit trying to please others.

2. Quit trying to be perfect. Just be REAL! Your transparency will lead to your transformation.

3. Quit trying to control things outside of your control.

4. Quit measuring your life and just appreciate your life.

Lesson 7:

Rachel rounded out the day by talking more about failure and how to stop living in fear of it. We aren’t scared of failure itself; our EGO makes us scared of failing in front of others. Failure is proof you are trying. We are SUPPOSED to fail so we can be molded into who we are supposed to be. Why would we be good at something that we have never tried before?

“You have to be willing to suck long enough to get better if you want to achieve your optimum success in life.”

In the spirit of living in a state of continuous gratitude, we rounded out the day by choosing one thing that we are grateful for BECAUSE we failed. My answer? I am grateful for failed relationships because they have opened me up to finding the real love of my life. Each of us spent the rest of our time writing a letter to ourselves from the perspective of our own persistence as if it were another human entirely.  We listed out all the amazing things that we have accomplished because we refused to give up.

DAY 2: OWN YOUR FUTURE

DAVE HOLLIS

Dave Hollis is the current CEO of The Hollis Co. and the former president of Theatrical Distribution for Walt Disney Studios. He is also the author of the book “Get Out of Your Own Way” coming out March 2020 (ahhh, I can’t wait!! PRE-ORDER HERE!) and devoted husband to Rachel Hollis. Dave spoke of some things that we needed to recognize will be barriers when we leave the conference and go back into our real lives.

Lesson 1:

Things That Will Get in Your Way:

1. Someone you love- the new you may make them uncomfortable. This is something they will need to learn to live with or rise up to with you.

2. The opinions of other people.

3. Fear from others- People you love may think your dreams are too audacious and try to talk you out of them. This often comes from a place of love and not wanting to see you fail; they feel they are protecting you.

4. Your “relationships” with non-human things; learn to think differently!
               a. Your calendar- Are you running your calendar or is it running you? Remember what Jen Hatmaker said- “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no!” You have time for anything, you just have to prioritize it.

b. Media/Social Media- Take control of what you consume; ask yourself: “Does this make me happy or serve me in some positive way?” It is perfectly okay to unfriend people, unfollow negativity and not watch negativity on the TV, YouTube, Facebook videos, etc.

c.  Food & Exercise- Without caring for your body, you have nothing because your health and body are your foundation for everything else you do.

d. The circle of friends you surround yourself with- It is absolutely true that you will turn into the five people you spend the most time with. This means you need a motivating circle full of people you can look up to and aspire to be more like. If necessary, this can come from podcasts, books, people on social media, etc.

5. When people hear your big, bold dreams they may ask you, “But what will it do to your kids??” This is when you tell them that your children will watch their parent be the best role model they can be because kids are watching every little thing you do!

6. What you think about yourself and what is possible for you. You have to believe that you deserve it and you have to know the cost.

“THE COST OF YOUR DREAMS IS YOUR CURRENT LIFE.“

Things can’t become so much better while you still maintain the life you are currently leading. A big part of this is unpacking your worries, fears and traumas so you can open yourself up to all the possibilities in front of you.

7. Your identity and getting out of your own way. Leaving the conference, Dave told us we need to go back to our old life but not our old ways. We had to ask ourselves, what story am I telling myself? What character would I need to consistently play in that story to make it come to life? As Dave’s tattoo says, “A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.” The waves make us into who we were meant to be.

“Hope in the future, is power in the present.”

RACHEL HOLLIS

Lesson 2:

Of course, this week’s lessons wouldn’t be complete without a couple from the queen herself. One awesome technique that she spoke to was that we control our mood and our reactions to everything around us. She taught us to literally say/do out loud:

“Same me, *CLAP*, new mood!”

After all, the only things in life we can control are our:

ATTITUDE
&
EFFORT

Lesson 3:

Rachel has five very important things that she does every single day to set her up for success and give her the energy she needs to sustain the life she desires.

“A power plant doesn’t HAVE energy, it MAKES energy!”

5 to Thrive

1. Drink half your body weight in ounces of water every single day.

2. Eliminate 1 category of food you really shouldn’t be eating anyways for 30 days. This is partially to prove to yourself that you can do something for a consistent 30 days and partially to figure out how cutting out certain foods makes you feel. It’s hard to recognize what foods are causing inflammation and irritation in our bodies without eliminating only one category at a time.

3. Get up 1 hour earlier than you normally would and use this hour to dedicate to yourself and your goals. This can look different for everyone, but the point is to set aside 1 hour of your day for this purpose, regardless of when in the day it actually occurs. This time needs to be when you are at the PEAK of your best for the day and once you have it set; it needs to be treated as sacred. Don’t let anything get in the way of you using your 1-hour slot every single day.

4. Commit to a gratitude routine. For example, write down 5 things that you are grateful for that happened within the last 24 hours. They can be small like someone let you into traffic on the interstate or your morning coffee was on point. If you start the day with gratitude, you will be set up to look for things throughout the day to be grateful for.

“WHATEVER YOUR ARE LOOKING FOR IN LIFE, YOU WILL FIND.“

5. Move your body for 30 minutes every day! Get some kick ass motivation from Rachel herself here –> CLICK HERE!

Lesson 4:

The idea that we CREATE energy is so important to the Hollis Company and how they continue to function at the high level they do day in and day out. During this convention, if Rachel saw someone in the audience yawn, she would yell 5-4-3-2-1 and everyone would blast out of their seats like a rocket ship and dance like crazy for 30 seconds. Watch the fun here!!

There is an amazing phenomenon called “the 5 second rule” and everyone should absolutely check out the TED talk by Mel Robbins all about it. The short story is that our brains are hard-wired to make us as comfortable as possible at all times and to avoid things that are uncomfortable or difficult. Therefore, to do the dirty work of accomplishing our goals, we need to outsmart our own brains sometimes. There is an odd thing that happens in the human brain when we do something like count backwards from 5 that recircuits our thought process and gives us time to essentially act without thinking. Mel personally used this to make herself get out of bed first thing in the morning instead of hitting her snooze button again. I promise you…you won’t regret looking it up! CLICK HERE TO WATCH!!

Lesson 5:

10-10-1

Finally, Rachel touched on her method of 10-10-1. First, picture the absolute best version possible of yourself in 10 years. What does she look like? What does she fill her days doing? How much money does she have? Does she have children? Is she married? Single? What kind of car does she drive?

Then imagine the 10 most audacious dreams possible. Think as big as you can and use grand words when writing out your dreams. Write them as if you have already accomplished them. Some of my 10 dreams included: I am a NY Times best-selling author. I am a respected, sought-after speaker at emergency/trauma conventions. I have a healthy body that I feel confident and strong in. I am an exceptional wife and partner to a man who deserves me. I have a successful blog with 100K subscribers. Think BIG!

Now is the hard part; pick only 1 of those dreams that you want to focus on accomplishing first. Now with this one goal in mind, determine your starting point. Think of your current assets, resources and habits that you can pull from to start your journey. Rachel instructs us to create a bit of a road map with a starting point, end goal, and 3-mile markers in the middle to help us get to that end goal. We know our end goal already and we know where we’re starting, so next we will brainstorm all the zillions of things we can do to help get from point A to point B. She calls this “making soup”.

Write down absolutely EVERYTHING you can think of and then take a step back to evaluate. Choose 3 of those things that, if accomplished, would help you get closer to achieving your overall goal. They may not be the most glamorous or fun choices; however, they will be the most important.

Overall the RISExDallas convention was absolutely life-changing and filled with so much inspiration and take-aways to truly set myself up to become the woman that I dream I can be in 10 years. A decade seems like a long way away, however, that time is going to pass whether I am working on achieving my goals or not. I would much rather look back in ten years and see accomplishment after accomplishment instead of looking back wishing I’d started now. We only have one life to live and none of us are guaranteed tomorrow so what are we doing wasting that precious gift?

Remember, YOU WERE BUILT FOR THE AUDACITY OF THE DREAMS IN YOUR HEART!

Inspired travels <3

Disclaimer: I do not own photo rights to several pictures featured in this post. No copyright infringement intended.